Capable Wife

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I hardly have time to blog nowadays,but there’s something that’s been itching and burning me up inside lately,I just felt it’s time I got it out of my system. When I was growing up,my mum used to recite Proverbs 31 to my sisters and I. Sometimes I would get so irritated,to a point where I used to think my mother did not love us. Whenever we’d go visiting, my mum would make sure we remember Proverbs 31:27 that says; She is watching over the goings on of her household, and the bread of laziness she does not eat. I can still recite that whole chapter especially that verse by heart. My mother always told us,when you’re invited over for lunch/dinner you’re only a guest for the first 30 minutes,the rest if your ass wasn’t up and headed straight to the kitchen,the beating that would await once you got back home.You wouldn’t be able to sit down for days. I would see other girls my age playing around,and wondering why my mum had us working yet we had a househelp(but those are questions you wouldn’t dare ask out loud)

the good wifes guide

Anyway back to the reason why I had to do this post. Lately I’ve been pitying some ladies younger than me,as well as some of my friends. Most of us have reached that age,where you’re no longer just dating a guy,but you’re dating in the hopes of settling down soon.Let’s not use the word dating,more like courting. What I’ve seen when invited for lunches or sleepover by some of my friends who’ve finally settled down on their own are doing well,is pretty disturbing. It made me call my mum,just to say thank you a million times over for raising me the way she did and for drilling Proverbs 31 in me until it became part and parcel of how I conduct myself nowadays. Maybe it’s the fact that women have this whole I’m independent,you know where the fridge is,get your own damn food attitude thing going on. Ladies please, God wasn’t stupid making the man the head of the house. You should treat a man with respect and make him feel like he is important to you. Let me just share one scenario with you:

Lydia is in love with Simon(names have been changed to protect my safety)They are courting, she invites him and his friend over for dinner,then asks me to come over for the friend not to feel so awkward. House looks like a mess,clothes everywhere,dirty plates on the kitchen sink(mind you,it’s an American design sort of house where the kitchen and sitting lounge are divided by a small sort of bar area,so anyone can see the dirty dishes)I start getting shocked..I call her aside and make up an excuse we need some red wine to marinate the steak in if she can send the boys to get some and hurriedly clear the dishes while they are away.If I was a guy,that’s one point down,but anyway,let’s go on.They come back,you sit down,start chatting them up,leave me the friend in the kitchen cooking.Yes I know after 30 mins I’m not a visitor,but if you’re trying to impress Mr.Man,cook for him,don’t let him compliment your friends cooking.He is planning on marrying you remember?Get your ass in the kitchen and cook for him,show him what to expect in the near future.Finally I finish cooking,call her to serve for her man,she says:”It’s self service,he knows where the kitchen is”.No table set at the dinner table,serve straight from the sufuria ,put hot food on his lap,and that’s it. By this time I was about to strangle her and shake her back to reality. He asks to use the bathroom,then slowly comes back and asks her:”Do you have water problems here?” Confidently she says:”No! Not all,why do you ask?” I slowly went to the bathroom to check for myself. A woman’s toilet should never and I repeat never ever have stains like it’s a communal toilet!I went back to the sitting room quietly,her Mr.Man made some flimsy excuse that he had an early morning meeting and they left. She wondered what was wrong,when I tried to tell her she needs to style up,she got mad for weeks on end.But at least I told her.

Ladies, screw this whole we live in the 21st century bullshit attitude. A man is still a man,whether you like it or not,he will still want to be treated the way his mother treats him. I used to wonder why my mum,no matter how tired she would be from work,whether it’s 9pm,she would never allow the maid to cook for my dad. She would always do it,and the heartwarming smile on my dad’s face said it all. The fact that she made an effort,showed him she cared. My mum is the epitome of the capable wife described in Proverbs 31,especially verse 30:”Charm may be false,and prettiness may be vain,but the woman who fears God is the one that procures praise for herself.” I pray and hope to one day be like her. Like my mama always says,the most ugly trait a woman could ever have is laziness. Whatever century you think you might be living in ladies,the ratchet behaviour is wanting. Strive to be the capable wife mentioned in Proverbs 31.

Peace and Blessings,Vionna!

Single Husbands

My beautiful people, I know, I know I’ve developed some bad habits when it comes to blogging nowadays, but forgive me. My writing mojo has been on an all time low lately, but something that’s I’ve observed lately has stirred up my writing nerves much that I just had to blog it out. This year has had more drama than a hospital scene in a Mexican soap opera for me, but there has also been some ups to it. It’s the year most of my age-mates and friends have tied the knot or are about to, and it’s one of those years I’ve attended more baby showers than concerts. When is she going to get to the point, you say? Sorry I tend to digress much(bad habit)on with it then. Recently I bumped into a former classmate of mine, we were catching up about life and what not, when I asked her about how she must be enjoying the joys that come with married life,she broke down in tears and started venting about her husband. You see, she’s married to what I love to term a single husband. This single husband is one who is in denial that he actually is married and acts like a bachelor. The reason I’m writing about this is because most of the time, us women ignore this signs that are always visible way before we commit to someone. I’m no relationship guru, heck I’m not even married to begin with,but just like my blog says, Vionna likes to watch, and this is what I’ve observed from my short time(I insist) in this world. Signs you are married to a single husband:

1.His weekend itinerary doesn’t include you or the kids. He’s out Friday night with the boys till wee hours of the morning, a nyama plot again with the boys at Kikopei on Saturday, checks in on Sunday, sleeps most of the time, throws the kid up in the air a few times when he wakes up consoling himself he’s spend time playing with them. Calls his boys up if there’s football, you won’t see his ass back home till late at night. Honey, sorry to say but that man right there is a single husband. He seems to have misplaced the memo that came with the things change once you’re married title.

2. Most of his “boys” are single guys who don’t have any responsibilities whatsoever. They can party till six in the morning, go back home shower and continue partying some more, yet he convinces himself he just likes to hang out with the young guys.
I’m not saying if you are married you should not hang out with your single friends, but have a balanced limit to it.

3.He doesn’t respect the Visa application requirements.
You know that visa that after marriage he always needs to apply for if he is going out with the guys beforehand? If he just calls you up oh I’m not coming back home soon don’t wait up for me. That is trouble right there. He seems to forget what time his visa expires and if he is eligible to renew it or not. (By the way if you don’t know what a visa is, when it comes to marriage terms, I will pray for you)

4. He really is popular with the female species
and when they meet you, they always have that shocked oh didn’t know so and so was married look. He’s the champion of all flirts, his Twitter or Facebook page has more female friends than guys all up there calling him sweet pet names and all…errm honey he should know by now he already found out where he needs to be, with you and not acting like he is on a mission to bag women from social networks.

5. Whenever his phone rings, you would think he suddenly works for the CIA, he dashes to the room, locks it up (as if the sound would penetrate through the keyhole) while speaking in a low tone. He never wants you to know his whereabouts for some reason only he knows
What I’m trying to say most of this single husbands, are guys who were never really keen on settling down but circumstances, age catching up or pressure from family (especially mothers) and friends got the best of them. Though sometimes we ladies tend to ignore the signs. If you are going for a long road trip, and the fuel gauge is half empty, do you wait for it to start blinking for you to re-fuel or for it to suddenly stop in the middle of nowhere then you start panicking? Of course not, you always take precautions beforehand make sure the car is in good condition, the tank is full before you embark on your road trip. If only most of us women would apply the same thing when it comes to seeing this signs before you end up tied down married to a single husband with kids. Ladies, you can NEVER change a man. So before you start whining to your friends about the single husband you are married to, remember this are signs you saw before hand. A wise woman once told me, Vionna when the time comes and you decide to get married, always marry a man who loves you more than you love him. You know why, because a man who loves you more, will treat you and love you like a queen, but if you force issues with a man, then you will end up married to a single husband. But before it reaches that point that you end up with a single husband, there always signs to know you are in a vague relationship. I will do a post about that soon. For now excuse me as I go bask on the beach and enjoy the lovely sunny weather. The lovely view in front of me..ahem!
(I just had to throw that in there)

Peace and Blessings always, Vionna

Strawberries and Whip Cream.Season 1

So a few of my blog readers have asked me if all my writing is erotic.No it’s not,in fact most of my writing is just basically the real life,tried to be sugar coated in fiction.Here’s one I wrote awhile back,purely fictional..it will have a sequel to it soon.Hope you enjoy season 1=)

I met him on a sunny Saturday afternoon,while buying my usual strawberries and whip cream at the store.He held the last bunch of strawberries left on the shelf.What would I have for dinner tonight?I thought to myself.I kept waiting for him to put down the strawberries and pounce on them like a vulture does fowls.It’s as if he read my mind,and he slowly put the bunch down,like I was a cop and he was surrendering his gun.Noticing I had intimidated him,I managed to crack a smile at him,he relaxed and smiled back.Managing to break the awkward silence,he asked,”It seems they were saving the best for last”.I just gave him a quick glance and said sarcastically,”Yes it seems”,while eyeing him up and down,I thought to myself,well his really not my type.You see,I loved my men tall,white and Italian,and well he was short,caramel and African.So I walked to the till to pay for my strawberries and look forward to my Saturday night ritual.Strawberries,whip cream and wine.Comfort eating was the only thing that helped me get over my break-up with my fiancee.He kept following me asking what I had planned for the night.I got so irritated,snapped and told him that it was none of his business,and paid for my strawberries and left the store.Still,he kept following toward the car park,and dared tell me that I should try smile more often,maybe then I wouldn’t be a single,bitter woman who spends her Saturday nights eating strawberries alone!Thoughts of running him over with my car crossed my mind!The nerve of this bastard!Yet deep down,I knew there was some truth to what he said.I had been hurt by my ex-fiancee,and somehow I was letting it all out on any man who dared cross my path.But I couldn’t give him the satisfaction of him knowing that he was right.I hated him at that point,yet I felt this adrenaline rush while arguing with him.He somehow seemed to turn me on!I slowly entered into my car,confused as to what I was feeling,and forgot to look back while reversing,till I heard a loud thud.I came out of the car in hysteria screaming,thinking I had killed Mr Bastard!He lay there looking at me in disbelief,I started crying,apologizing for what I had done,not knowing he had actually faked me hitting him.Quickly I lifted him into my car,not wanting to cause a scene at the parking lot.I kept driving asking him if he was fine,that I was taking him to the nearest hospital,but he insisted that he was fine,and just needed to lie down a bit.My house was not so far off from the place,so I offered to make it up to him,by cooking him dinner at my place,as my peace offering.He hurriedly accepted and somehow he didn’t look like someone hit by a car..we went back to my place,I let him lie on my sofa for a bit,while I made him some Spaghetti Bolognese for dinner.I heard him going through my music collection while I was cooking in the kitchen,the bastard!What was he doing snooping around my things,I stormed in to find him walking upright looking around my art and music collection.That’s when I realized he wasn’t hurt at all..That was the last straw from him,this bastard was crawling under my skin!I went back to the kitchen,staring at the knife,and thoughts of him playing with my emotions like that,it took self control for me not to pick it up.I finished cooking,set the dinner table nicely,without saying a word to Mr Bastard.He knew something was wrong,so he asked if anything was bothering me,I said no and told him to eat and get out of my house.He then put on some Ron Isley music,and said how much he loved his music,he was finally redeeming himself!At least he didn’t have pathetic taste in music after all,we talked,laughed,and somehow didn’t take notice of the fact that it was getting late.”It was nice having company for dinner tonight”,I mentioned to him.Then I remembered I still had some strawberries and whip cream for dessert,he readily accepted to stay for some dessert.I got my bottle of wine,he put on some nice baby making Barry White music and we just sat on the sofa knowing how the night would end.There was an animalistic attraction between us,and it was scary.The strawberries and whip cream made my libido high,I was so turned on,I just wanted him licking the whip cream and eating the strawberries off my body,somehow he read my mind,slowly started undressing me,sprayed the whip cream on my breasts and started licking it off my nipples

Damn!The sex was explosive!My toes curled and my knees got so weak I couldn’t get up.That was the best orgasm I ever had in a long while..I could get used to this,I thought to myself..we continued having our no strings attached sexcapades for months on end.I didn’t want to know about his life,as much as he didn’t need to know anything about my life.Then somehow I got attached.He wasn’t my type,he wasn’t the kind of guy my mother would want me getting married to.But I don’t know if I was confusing lust with love,but I started being vulnerable around him.Maybe his just a rebound,my girlfriends kept telling me,just have fun for now..I kept my feelings in check and convinced myself that all he was a rebound..I was busy enjoying the back breaking,toe curling sex to notice that my monthly visitors who shower me with red blessings hadn’t come knocking by.I kept hoping this didn’t mean what I think it meant,then decided to be brave once and for all and confirm my fears..Just as I finished peeing on the kit,my doorbell rang.Mr ex-fiancee stood in front of me,with flowers,and my engagement ring on his left hand.I stood there in shock,and he let himself in.Not knowing what just happened,I turned around and asked him what he was doing at my place,he looked at me and said,”it’s been a 7hour flight,the least you could do is let me use the bathroom before chasing me out”.I didn’t want to argue with him,so I let him do what he wanted as long as he was leaving my house in the next ten minutes,I had a lot on my mind already.Oh my!speaking of my mind,why did I let him enter the bathroom,I left the kit inside there!And before I could say anything else,he came out carrying it and asked,”so what do you have to say for yourself”?I looked at the kit in shock,Oh my Word!It was…………………………

Sane People Against Valentines(S.P.A.V)


So today is the day i love to hate.February the 14th..the day people spend lavishly to have sex and lie to each other..I just don’t celebrate things because people do,I always like to know what the hell I’m celebrating..which brings me to Valentines,i don’t want to bombard you with the whole bullshit(forgive my French)of where Valentines came from,y’all can google that if you want..but all I know is No romantic elements are present in the original early medieval biographies of either of these martyrs. By the time a Saint Valentine became linked to romance in the 14th century, distinctions between Valentine of Rome and Valentine of Terni were utterly lost.So where were we?oh,back to killing that stupid kid cupid,with its arrows.I’m sure most sane women and men out there,know that you don’t need a freaking day in a year to spend it on a woman or a man..so ladies and gents,join me in killing cupid this day.Love is already complicated as it is,we don’t need Valentines day making it worse!
Guys,you know I got your back like a wet tshirt..I’m with you on this..=).If you didn’t manage to break up with her,before this day,then I’m sorry there’s little we can do to help..that being said,the day is still young enough,we can find a way for you to do it!
1.Play the Bipolar card guys,always works and she will still forgive you for it,coz she understands your sick emotionally(I doubt Eminems girlfriend expects anything from him this day.Bipolar baby!works like a charm)
2.Be philosphical,tell her you don’t celebrate any holidays that have pagan links to it..i mean cupid was a greek god of love or some shit like that.thats pagan right there!
3.Be deceitful..Darling,my love for you cannot be measured in a day,364 days are not even enough for me to show you how much I love you,lets not let the world show us how to love..(pantyremover right there)
Sane Ladies,not to worry,i know men nowadays tend to be emotional and will expect to be shown some love today,but at least they never expect to be showered with gifts and what not,so I wont give you reasons to lie to them today…Save that guy the heartache of spending all that cash on you for a freaking day,when you can make him spend it on you for a freaking year..Today is just another Monday for me,yep I’m a cheap girlfriend like that;-)I’m sure to all the SPAVS out there,your tired of the happy valentines day tweets,updates like I am,and the women buying themselves roses and wearing red everywhere around town(rural swag right there)I’ve been living with a French couple for the past one week,and i tell you they find it so stupid that Kenyans make a big deal out of this holiday,yet to them it’s just a normal day..I couldn’t agree with them more,we adopted a western holiday that lives many bankrupt,and heartbroken,yet to them,it’s just another Manic Monday!I know many think that all who are Anti-Valentine are single bitter people,well i can tell you one thing,I’m far from single,and couldn’t be more happier,I’m just a Sane Person Against Valentines..Let me leave you all with a poem i found that just made my day today:Hearts and roses and kisses galore,
What the hell is all that shit for?
People get mushy and start acting queer,
It is definitely the most annoying day of the year.
This day needs to get the hell over with and pass,
Before I shove something up Cupid’s ass.
I’ll spend the day so drunk I can’t speak
And wear black for the rest of the week.
Guys act all sweet, but soon it will fade,
For all they are doing is trying to get laid.
The arrow Cupid shot at me must not have hit,
Cause I think this love thing is a crock of shit.
So, here’s my story… what else can I say?
Love bites my ass… Fuck Valentines Day!