A little too late

It’s always a little bit too late when we realize something or when we lose someone and we never got to mend a broken friendship and will never get a chance to, because they died too soon. As I write this, a friend of mine is lying cold in a morgue thanks to the animal of a man she claimed to love. The man who used her as his punching bag, verbally abused her and made her feel as if she was nothing. I wrote about her sometime in May last year. A blog post entitled Words I said https://vionnaswatching.wordpress.com/2011/05/17/words-i-said/ she was being verbally abused at the time and the guy really made her believe that she was nothing more than his punching bag. We had a fallout with her sometime late last year. See, the last time, she was beaten up real bad we thought she finally came to her senses and realized it was time for her to leave before things got out of hand. Well, a few weeks later after that, I bumped into her hand in hand with that monster. I can’t and I wont call him a man because he’s not worthy to be called that. He’s a coward who should have picked on someone his own size, not a woman whom he knew won’t fight him back. So she called me after we met and told me he had really changed and everything was well. We had an argument after that and I remember the last words I told her that day was, “the next time, you will come back in a casket if you think such a monster can change.” Little did I know those words would come true yesterday. We stopped talking after that incident, sometimes I would be tempted to call her up, but something inside me always vexed me to a point I couldn’t pick up the phone and talk to her. I always felt like shaking her back to reality. I wish I did make that call. But I know there’s nothing I would have done to prevent what happened. She made her choices in life, she decided she wanted to stay with him, and unfortunately the choices she made cost her, her life. When her sister called me yesterday, I knew immediately something was wrong. She always used to call me when my friend was in really bad shape and couldn’t even talk on the phone. She was in tears as she tried to tell me what happened. Her sister came back home late that night, and by late I mean 7pm due to traffic at the ferry(anyone who uses ferries to cross to the other side knows how crazy traffic gets)so the monster left, went drinking came back started beating her up, she was trying to run out of the house, when he flung her from the stairs, fell and fractured her skull. That was the end of her troubled love life.

I was angry, shocked and hurt at the same time when I heard the news. Still trying to come to terms with it, but it’s a bit hard to fathom her death at the moment. Ladies, one should never be a statistic. I never thought one of my friends would be one. When a guy as much as slaps you, those are warning signs that warn you of the danger ahead if you continue down that path of making excuses for him. A man who verbally abuses you, will make you feel worthless and in turn start believing you deserve what you get. Don’t lead yourself to believe that it really doesn’t hurt you, or believe that you only hurt yourself. Don’t believe every time he says he’s sorry or be ashamed to tell someone you need help. I got this quote yesterday from Christopher Robin to Pooh Bear:” Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you think, and smarter than you think.” Get out of that relationship before it’s a little bit too late.

Peace and Blessings, Vionna

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Breakups to Makeups

First of all, I would like to wish all you bloggers and readers alike a Happy 2012 as you struggle to make resolutions that you know by mid Feb you will have completely forgotten about! Now that we have that out-of-the-way, let me whine about the number one resolution that a majority of ladies (me included) make every New Year: Leaving all the baggage behind which mostly involves a man. Breaking up with that guy whose drama you don’t want to carry over come 2012. New Year, new things becomes the mantra you chant most of January. I like to call it the five stages of breakups to makeups, since mostly it starts somewhere in November when you realize the year is almost coming to an end and the person you are dating seems to have your feelings stuck somewhere in limbo, and you can’t start a new year going through an emotional rollercoaster again. Just for the sake, let’s just say a friend of mine went through these five stages:-)

1. Self Pity: All your friends seem to be settling down, getting married and you’re still stuck in a limbo. You start feeling sorry for yourself, thoughts that maybe true love doesn’t exist for you start creeping in. Attending weddings become such a bore for you. The game plan you had when you were 20 to be married and settled down by a certain age starts taunting you. Comfort eating becomes your new hobby in the hopes that a certain someone will get his act together.

2. Making Excuses: You make sure all your friends know how much you love your just dating without marriage in view life. You can travel go on holidays the way you want without having to consult someone or apply for a visa (once you’re married) to go for some random road trips in Naivasha or Mombasa. You seem to enjoy a carefree life of sorts.

3. Denial: It’s not you. He will change, get his act right and finally pop the question. He just needs time to see where he wants to be (Donelle Jones I blame you for this) Denial clearly is a river in Egypt said with a Jamaican accent, unless you accept it and stop living in a bubble.

4. Relapse: December is here. You managed to finally let Mr. Limbo go in November when it dawned on you the year is finally ending and you need change. Then one random night you get lonely, start missing him and find yourself riding that emotional rollercoaster again (pun intended)

5. Waking up and Smelling the coffee: After the relapse, something snaps. You realize things will never change. You will be stuck in limbo for the rest of the year that’s about to start if you keep hoping and waiting for him to make up his mind. So that’s when you start writing down your resolutions. No more carrying emotional baggage come 2012. New Year, new things. You bury that chapter in 2011 and hope to start a new book come 2012.

So those are the 5 stages that most of the time runs through a girl’s mind when she decides to let go and come up with New Year’s resolutions that she hopes she will stick to. Chances are, by Feb, she would be back to the breakups to makeups yoyo or hopefully the coffee she woke up and smelled was really strong and knocked some sense into her that will make her stick to her resolutions.

PS: This is not a true story. Any relations to the blogger are purely coincidental. No feelings were hurt during the writing of this blog post:-)

Peace and Blessings Always, and a Happy 2012 to you all, Vionna.