Breakups to Makeups

First of all, I would like to wish all you bloggers and readers alike a Happy 2012 as you struggle to make resolutions that you know by mid Feb you will have completely forgotten about! Now that we have that out-of-the-way, let me whine about the number one resolution that a majority of ladies (me included) make every New Year: Leaving all the baggage behind which mostly involves a man. Breaking up with that guy whose drama you don’t want to carry over come 2012. New Year, new things becomes the mantra you chant most of January. I like to call it the five stages of breakups to makeups, since mostly it starts somewhere in November when you realize the year is almost coming to an end and the person you are dating seems to have your feelings stuck somewhere in limbo, and you can’t start a new year going through an emotional rollercoaster again. Just for the sake, let’s just say a friend of mine went through these five stages:-)

1. Self Pity: All your friends seem to be settling down, getting married and you’re still stuck in a limbo. You start feeling sorry for yourself, thoughts that maybe true love doesn’t exist for you start creeping in. Attending weddings become such a bore for you. The game plan you had when you were 20 to be married and settled down by a certain age starts taunting you. Comfort eating becomes your new hobby in the hopes that a certain someone will get his act together.

2. Making Excuses: You make sure all your friends know how much you love your just dating without marriage in view life. You can travel go on holidays the way you want without having to consult someone or apply for a visa (once you’re married) to go for some random road trips in Naivasha or Mombasa. You seem to enjoy a carefree life of sorts.

3. Denial: It’s not you. He will change, get his act right and finally pop the question. He just needs time to see where he wants to be (Donelle Jones I blame you for this) Denial clearly is a river in Egypt said with a Jamaican accent, unless you accept it and stop living in a bubble.

4. Relapse: December is here. You managed to finally let Mr. Limbo go in November when it dawned on you the year is finally ending and you need change. Then one random night you get lonely, start missing him and find yourself riding that emotional rollercoaster again (pun intended)

5. Waking up and Smelling the coffee: After the relapse, something snaps. You realize things will never change. You will be stuck in limbo for the rest of the year that’s about to start if you keep hoping and waiting for him to make up his mind. So that’s when you start writing down your resolutions. No more carrying emotional baggage come 2012. New Year, new things. You bury that chapter in 2011 and hope to start a new book come 2012.

So those are the 5 stages that most of the time runs through a girl’s mind when she decides to let go and come up with New Year’s resolutions that she hopes she will stick to. Chances are, by Feb, she would be back to the breakups to makeups yoyo or hopefully the coffee she woke up and smelled was really strong and knocked some sense into her that will make her stick to her resolutions.

PS: This is not a true story. Any relations to the blogger are purely coincidental. No feelings were hurt during the writing of this blog post:-)

Peace and Blessings Always, and a Happy 2012 to you all, Vionna.

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Of Vague Relationships

This is one of those posts I’ve been thinking should I post it or should I let it slip? But it’s been itching me lately, and I couldn’t help myself but to blog it out. Many of us have been victims to this vague relationships once in our lives. I know I have been in a one-sided relationship I actually didn’t know I was in once! Today we’ll just call them vague relationships. First of all let’s just get the definition of this word vague just for the sake of our “special ones” Vague: Not clearly expressed or not having a precise meaning. Now that we have that out-of-the-way, let’s move on swiftly:) Unfortunately many women tend to fall for this vague relationships often than guys do, since I don’t want to come off as a male basher( that’s more Tyler Perry’s forte) This post mostly will favour both sides,don’t shoot me ladies

1. You started off as a no strings attached arrangement and now in this woman’s head she expects you to do couples stuff. You know, take her out for movies, coffee she sends you Blankets and Wine events on Facebook hinting how awesome it would be for you to meet some of her friends at such events. As much as women nowadays tend to act all un-emotional, ladies no-strings attached arrangements are just that. You see for a man, they learn to separate their emotions when it comes to sex, when it comes to women, very few are able to do that. So if you agreed on a no strings attached arrangement honey, I hate to tell you but you will be stuck in that vague relationship till you wake up, smell the coffee and realize it’s going nowhere.

2. If you can’t define what you have ladies, that’s a red sign right there. There’s nothing as Its complicated relationships, Facebook needs to stop lying to you. If the only way you can explain it to your friends is that you two are still in the limbo phase, then errrm you should just come out and say you are in a vague relationship. Men are very straight forward with what they want, if he wants you then he will show it and you will know. If he starts telling you those let’s take it one day at a time nonsense, then one day he will get tired of taking it a day at a time.

3. He tells you let’s keep what we have on the hush. Should I even explain further really? He doesn’t want his friends knowing about you or anyone else saying he prefers keeping the relationship just between you two. Let’s just use the canine species as an example (The following relations to any living species is purely coincidental) : Dogs pee to mark their territory and claim ownership of their space. Same thing with men, when they have a prized possession, meaning you they will want to show you off and of course make sure to keep other predators away. You see where keeping it on the hush does not make sense here?

4. He is going out on dates with other women, not hiding it from you in any way and you start getting vexed about it. Is there any better way to put this? Can you get over the fantasy in your head that lies to you that you have a relationship with this man! (okay there’s no better way to say it) because you don’t. I actually blame this on social networks. A guy starts flirting with a certain lady, checking up on her every day on Facebook or Twitter (mind you they have never met outside of the virtual world) she sends him a relationship request (why people do this is beyond me) and assumes they are going out. Stop wasting your jealousy on things that don’t exist.

5. Unfortunately many ladies who get knocked up, expecting a ring immediately after fall into this vague relationships. Most times when a lady gets knocked up, the man flees like you just told him you have Ebola and things may change for the better or for the worse. Some come back to their senses, some don’t. But some ladies think since they are carrying his seed, they will have a bond that will bind them forever together and live happily ever after.

Those are just a few of the signs I’ve come to observe and notice in my short(I still insist) life. We tend to insist on things that don’t exist. Stop trying to justify the relationship saying it gives it a mysterious edgy feeling. A vague relationship is just that. Vague. I’m not writing this to male/female bash nor trying to say I haven’t fallen in this trap too. But I’ve come to realize one thing, as corny as it sounds; life is too short to hold on to something that’ s not there to hold on to in the first place. So get over that vague feeling and find some real feelings (Insert Oprah voice and read it in that accent)

Peace and Blessings, Vionna