Natural Hair Rant Of A Misplaced Beauty

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This is a natural hair rant post,so please let me get a few things of my hair! Being natural,going back to natural hair is the most amazing experience ever. It’s an emotional journey that leaves you feeling free and your mind decolonized. With that said, I’m very happy that many women are embracing their nappy hair and going back to being natural. There are times when I made the big chop,I got the most stupid comments from my friends. Some would ask me if I was sick,what was wrong,was I too poor to afford relaxers. One even offered to take me to the salon and pay to get my hair done. Please note,all this comments came from black women. Women who have allowed themselves to be brainwashed into thinking that nappy hair makes you look shaggy,”poor”and sick! Why have we become so petty??God didn’t make our African hair nappy for no reason. Why would I want to have fake plastic /horse hair on my scalp,when I can embrace my natural curls?

I’m not done ranting yet. Hair product companies have discovered that natural hair is becoming a sort of movement. They’ve jumped in on the bandwagon. We now have thousands of options for nappy hair,which I totally love, but..and that’s a very big BUT,why would you bombard me with products on how to make my hair grow faster/longer? Did it ever occur to all this natural hair blogs that some people prefer TWAs(teeny-weeny afro)I’m sick and tired of all these rules around,oh you have to use this pudding cream,this type of conditioner ,a certain deep penetrating treatment,blah blah blah bla!Can’t we just be natural without having all these hair products in our face left,right and center? With that said, I’m glad I found the right products for my nappy hair without having to drain my wallet. Get what works for you and just do you. Whether you like your hair short or long,just be happy to be nappy! Let me repost a poem I did 8 years ago..the first time I tried going natural and had all sorts of issues with it! Enjoy!

MISPLACED BEAUTY

I’m stuck in a limbo,
To flaunt my African beauty,
Or hide my African booty?
They say I’m too ethnic, that I’m not authentic
To whose standards, theirs or mine?
So now they’ve got me bleaching my brown skin
I guess true beauty doesn’t come from within
I’m ashamed of my natural locks…they make me to shaggy to get an office job
My spring curled hair
Traumatized with relaxers
For it to be sleek and straight
Forcing me to give in to their bait
You see I’m not doing this out of naivety
But because I am a misplaced beauty

Giving in to their western cultures
My nose is too wide
My lips too luscious
My beautiful African behind too big and flabby for them
My wide African hips that ease my load while carrying their offspring, now too wide for them?!
Mama taught me to be proud of my roots
But now am acting all insecure about my looks
Trying to squeeze in into their mold
Of what true beauty should be…
They end up misplacing my beauty

You see they adored me before, with sweet names like ebony
They rode my hips like a sweet melody
The gap in between my teeth,
Was a marvel for them to see
My kinky afro, made their eyes glow
But then I gave in to their desires
And let them destroy my African beauty
Replacing it with an anorexic, plastic body, skinny looking malnourished African
Damn, I am a shapely African queen
I’m proud of my wide nose,
My big behind
My shapely hips
The gap in between my fine chiseled teeth
ooh my sweet pout lips
I aint getting rid of the cellulite, you see I’ve seen the light
I’m no longer a misplaced beauty
Because I know you are dying to caress
This beautiful African Goddess!

Peace and Blessings,Vionna

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Capable Wife

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I hardly have time to blog nowadays,but there’s something that’s been itching and burning me up inside lately,I just felt it’s time I got it out of my system. When I was growing up,my mum used to recite Proverbs 31 to my sisters and I. Sometimes I would get so irritated,to a point where I used to think my mother did not love us. Whenever we’d go visiting, my mum would make sure we remember Proverbs 31:27 that says; She is watching over the goings on of her household, and the bread of laziness she does not eat. I can still recite that whole chapter especially that verse by heart. My mother always told us,when you’re invited over for lunch/dinner you’re only a guest for the first 30 minutes,the rest if your ass wasn’t up and headed straight to the kitchen,the beating that would await once you got back home.You wouldn’t be able to sit down for days. I would see other girls my age playing around,and wondering why my mum had us working yet we had a househelp(but those are questions you wouldn’t dare ask out loud)

the good wifes guide

Anyway back to the reason why I had to do this post. Lately I’ve been pitying some ladies younger than me,as well as some of my friends. Most of us have reached that age,where you’re no longer just dating a guy,but you’re dating in the hopes of settling down soon.Let’s not use the word dating,more like courting. What I’ve seen when invited for lunches or sleepover by some of my friends who’ve finally settled down on their own are doing well,is pretty disturbing. It made me call my mum,just to say thank you a million times over for raising me the way she did and for drilling Proverbs 31 in me until it became part and parcel of how I conduct myself nowadays. Maybe it’s the fact that women have this whole I’m independent,you know where the fridge is,get your own damn food attitude thing going on. Ladies please, God wasn’t stupid making the man the head of the house. You should treat a man with respect and make him feel like he is important to you. Let me just share one scenario with you:

Lydia is in love with Simon(names have been changed to protect my safety)They are courting, she invites him and his friend over for dinner,then asks me to come over for the friend not to feel so awkward. House looks like a mess,clothes everywhere,dirty plates on the kitchen sink(mind you,it’s an American design sort of house where the kitchen and sitting lounge are divided by a small sort of bar area,so anyone can see the dirty dishes)I start getting shocked..I call her aside and make up an excuse we need some red wine to marinate the steak in if she can send the boys to get some and hurriedly clear the dishes while they are away.If I was a guy,that’s one point down,but anyway,let’s go on.They come back,you sit down,start chatting them up,leave me the friend in the kitchen cooking.Yes I know after 30 mins I’m not a visitor,but if you’re trying to impress Mr.Man,cook for him,don’t let him compliment your friends cooking.He is planning on marrying you remember?Get your ass in the kitchen and cook for him,show him what to expect in the near future.Finally I finish cooking,call her to serve for her man,she says:”It’s self service,he knows where the kitchen is”.No table set at the dinner table,serve straight from the sufuria ,put hot food on his lap,and that’s it. By this time I was about to strangle her and shake her back to reality. He asks to use the bathroom,then slowly comes back and asks her:”Do you have water problems here?” Confidently she says:”No! Not all,why do you ask?” I slowly went to the bathroom to check for myself. A woman’s toilet should never and I repeat never ever have stains like it’s a communal toilet!I went back to the sitting room quietly,her Mr.Man made some flimsy excuse that he had an early morning meeting and they left. She wondered what was wrong,when I tried to tell her she needs to style up,she got mad for weeks on end.But at least I told her.

Ladies, screw this whole we live in the 21st century bullshit attitude. A man is still a man,whether you like it or not,he will still want to be treated the way his mother treats him. I used to wonder why my mum,no matter how tired she would be from work,whether it’s 9pm,she would never allow the maid to cook for my dad. She would always do it,and the heartwarming smile on my dad’s face said it all. The fact that she made an effort,showed him she cared. My mum is the epitome of the capable wife described in Proverbs 31,especially verse 30:”Charm may be false,and prettiness may be vain,but the woman who fears God is the one that procures praise for herself.” I pray and hope to one day be like her. Like my mama always says,the most ugly trait a woman could ever have is laziness. Whatever century you think you might be living in ladies,the ratchet behaviour is wanting. Strive to be the capable wife mentioned in Proverbs 31.

Peace and Blessings,Vionna!

A little too late

It’s always a little bit too late when we realize something or when we lose someone and we never got to mend a broken friendship and will never get a chance to, because they died too soon. As I write this, a friend of mine is lying cold in a morgue thanks to the animal of a man she claimed to love. The man who used her as his punching bag, verbally abused her and made her feel as if she was nothing. I wrote about her sometime in May last year. A blog post entitled Words I said https://vionnaswatching.wordpress.com/2011/05/17/words-i-said/ she was being verbally abused at the time and the guy really made her believe that she was nothing more than his punching bag. We had a fallout with her sometime late last year. See, the last time, she was beaten up real bad we thought she finally came to her senses and realized it was time for her to leave before things got out of hand. Well, a few weeks later after that, I bumped into her hand in hand with that monster. I can’t and I wont call him a man because he’s not worthy to be called that. He’s a coward who should have picked on someone his own size, not a woman whom he knew won’t fight him back. So she called me after we met and told me he had really changed and everything was well. We had an argument after that and I remember the last words I told her that day was, “the next time, you will come back in a casket if you think such a monster can change.” Little did I know those words would come true yesterday. We stopped talking after that incident, sometimes I would be tempted to call her up, but something inside me always vexed me to a point I couldn’t pick up the phone and talk to her. I always felt like shaking her back to reality. I wish I did make that call. But I know there’s nothing I would have done to prevent what happened. She made her choices in life, she decided she wanted to stay with him, and unfortunately the choices she made cost her, her life. When her sister called me yesterday, I knew immediately something was wrong. She always used to call me when my friend was in really bad shape and couldn’t even talk on the phone. She was in tears as she tried to tell me what happened. Her sister came back home late that night, and by late I mean 7pm due to traffic at the ferry(anyone who uses ferries to cross to the other side knows how crazy traffic gets)so the monster left, went drinking came back started beating her up, she was trying to run out of the house, when he flung her from the stairs, fell and fractured her skull. That was the end of her troubled love life.

I was angry, shocked and hurt at the same time when I heard the news. Still trying to come to terms with it, but it’s a bit hard to fathom her death at the moment. Ladies, one should never be a statistic. I never thought one of my friends would be one. When a guy as much as slaps you, those are warning signs that warn you of the danger ahead if you continue down that path of making excuses for him. A man who verbally abuses you, will make you feel worthless and in turn start believing you deserve what you get. Don’t lead yourself to believe that it really doesn’t hurt you, or believe that you only hurt yourself. Don’t believe every time he says he’s sorry or be ashamed to tell someone you need help. I got this quote yesterday from Christopher Robin to Pooh Bear:” Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you think, and smarter than you think.” Get out of that relationship before it’s a little bit too late.

Peace and Blessings, Vionna

Breakups to Makeups

First of all, I would like to wish all you bloggers and readers alike a Happy 2012 as you struggle to make resolutions that you know by mid Feb you will have completely forgotten about! Now that we have that out-of-the-way, let me whine about the number one resolution that a majority of ladies (me included) make every New Year: Leaving all the baggage behind which mostly involves a man. Breaking up with that guy whose drama you don’t want to carry over come 2012. New Year, new things becomes the mantra you chant most of January. I like to call it the five stages of breakups to makeups, since mostly it starts somewhere in November when you realize the year is almost coming to an end and the person you are dating seems to have your feelings stuck somewhere in limbo, and you can’t start a new year going through an emotional rollercoaster again. Just for the sake, let’s just say a friend of mine went through these five stages:-)

1. Self Pity: All your friends seem to be settling down, getting married and you’re still stuck in a limbo. You start feeling sorry for yourself, thoughts that maybe true love doesn’t exist for you start creeping in. Attending weddings become such a bore for you. The game plan you had when you were 20 to be married and settled down by a certain age starts taunting you. Comfort eating becomes your new hobby in the hopes that a certain someone will get his act together.

2. Making Excuses: You make sure all your friends know how much you love your just dating without marriage in view life. You can travel go on holidays the way you want without having to consult someone or apply for a visa (once you’re married) to go for some random road trips in Naivasha or Mombasa. You seem to enjoy a carefree life of sorts.

3. Denial: It’s not you. He will change, get his act right and finally pop the question. He just needs time to see where he wants to be (Donelle Jones I blame you for this) Denial clearly is a river in Egypt said with a Jamaican accent, unless you accept it and stop living in a bubble.

4. Relapse: December is here. You managed to finally let Mr. Limbo go in November when it dawned on you the year is finally ending and you need change. Then one random night you get lonely, start missing him and find yourself riding that emotional rollercoaster again (pun intended)

5. Waking up and Smelling the coffee: After the relapse, something snaps. You realize things will never change. You will be stuck in limbo for the rest of the year that’s about to start if you keep hoping and waiting for him to make up his mind. So that’s when you start writing down your resolutions. No more carrying emotional baggage come 2012. New Year, new things. You bury that chapter in 2011 and hope to start a new book come 2012.

So those are the 5 stages that most of the time runs through a girl’s mind when she decides to let go and come up with New Year’s resolutions that she hopes she will stick to. Chances are, by Feb, she would be back to the breakups to makeups yoyo or hopefully the coffee she woke up and smelled was really strong and knocked some sense into her that will make her stick to her resolutions.

PS: This is not a true story. Any relations to the blogger are purely coincidental. No feelings were hurt during the writing of this blog post:-)

Peace and Blessings Always, and a Happy 2012 to you all, Vionna.

I Saved My Twins

Now this is probably the most open post I will ever blog about. But it’s October, the month that holds dear to me and one that is important to all women. Breast Cancer awareness month. Now I know many have been joking about it on Twitter, guys having breasts as their avis with pink twibbons on the side and what not, but it’s really a serious matter. Breast and cervical cancer kills 625,000 women every year. That’s a really huge number, but we can do something to prevent it. I’m talking to you ladies out there and maybe by sharing my story as much I love keeping it to myself; I hope it will even move one person to go get their breasts checked

Let me take you back to October 2006: There I was, young in my early twenties so full of life all nonchalant without a care in the world. I was enjoying my life to the full. One day a good friend of mine comes home and tells me her sister cancelled on her and she wanted to go for the free screening test that Mater Hospital were conducting that year and wanted me to accompany her. I thought to myself, well what the heck it’s better than sitting home doing my usual couch potato Saturday ritual of movie watching on the sofa. I dressed up in all pink just to compliment the whole breast cancer awareness month. We reached Mater Hospital at around 11am and the place was already full. Now I’m a very impatient person and there was no way I would wait in line. I remember telling my friend that I didn’t have big boobs like her, there was no point in even having mine checked. Yet she insisted since we were already there, we should just stay and wait. I had my MP3 player on; lips pouted all sulky not talking to my friend. After a long wait, we went to get our information put on record by one of the nurses. I remember answering her with attitude when she asked me when I had my first period, if I was on any contraception pills, cases of cancer in my family and I answered her rudely telling her I didn’t want to be there in the first place, I was just bringing my friend to get her boobs checked. I think she was used to girls like me, she looked at my chest and asked: “Judging by your chest I presume you are a girl?” I kept my mouth shut afterwards and stopped showing her attitude. We were given numbers, went back and sat down waiting to be called by the nurses to get checked. It was 12:00pm by then, I was really hungry, and I really get cranky when hungry and since our number wasn’t going to be called out anytime soon, I decided to leave the hospital and go get something to eat. I came back when some of the breast cancer survivors were sharing their stories and that’s when it dawned on me, breast cancer is real. These were ordinary women just like me, some very young saying how cancer doesn’t discriminate regardless of age or color. Finally at around 3:00pm our numbers were called out, instead of us getting checked at the tent that was outside, the group I was in was told to go inside the hospital. My friend went in first; she was out in less than 5 minutes. I knew it would be a breeze for me too. In I went crossing my fingers that it was a woman who was going to do my examination and not some guy (I was still young and naïve then) thank God it was a very friendly female nurse. She told me to unbutton my blouse as she read my history then started feeling on my breasts. I noticed her face changed when she felt my left breast. She felt it again, and then called another nurse. The other nurse felt it too and called a male doctor. So here I was, scared of what was going on, half-naked with three people feeling on my boobs. They tried to act all calm when they told me they felt some abnormal lumps on my left breast it might be nothing but just to be safe they scheduled me for a biopsy two weeks from then. I dressed up calmly like nothing was wrong; my friend was outside with a very anxious face wondering what was going on inside there. I told her I was told to come back two weeks from then in a very casual manner. I went home, showed my mum and sister the results and tried to act so nonchalant about it. I was scared inside and angry at God, Life and everyone. I had just lost my dad January of that year, and now this. We had barely recovered from the financial burden of losing a bread winner and all I could think about was how I didn’t want to burden my mum again with this. My aunt had come visiting that day, and she is a nurse. So she had me strip down again (if I had a penny for all the people who felt on my boobs that day) she felt it and she also confirmed she felt something. That’s when I started panicking. All I kept saying was I didn’t want to walk around with one boob. I’d rather die than live without my breasts. I really was young and naïve then:-)

Last week of October 2006: Finally the day arrived. I was so nervous, I didn’t want to show it on my face but I was really scared. My friend wanted to take me to hospital, my mum offered too, everyone kept calling me offering to take me but I just wanted to go there alone. I didn’t want to break down in front of anyone so I went in there alone, I found a young girl my age who also was told to come back for more further tests. We really bonded with her and the wait become bearable. She went in first, got her tests done again and came out with a smile on her face. I felt so relieved for her and somewhat for me too. By now I had gotten used to the male doctors and them touching my breasts and squeezing them over and over again, but this time the squeezing was really painful. The doctor then took a needle that was almost as big as my arm; I thought I would faint at that moment from the size of that thing. He then inserted the needle on my left breast and out came fat mixed with blood. That’s when I asked the doctor what the hell he was doing to my breast, and told me it was a biopsy to remove a sample of the suspicious breast cells to determine whether the cells were cancerous. Afterwards a sample of it was taken back to the lab, I was then taught on how to do my own BSE while taking a shower to always check out for lumps. My left breast was paining then, I couldn’t even move my left arm afterwards. Waiting for the results from the lab was the longest wait ever for me. I sat there waiting to be called back while praying crossing my fingers and regretting why I came alone. Right then all I wanted was my mum to hold my hand and tell me all was well. Finally the results came back, and the doctor with a smile on his face told me that the lump on my breasts were benign and not cancerous but just too be safe its best for them to be removed. I was more than elated when I heard the news. Sure I was in pain but it was a smooth walk in walk out procedure. The next few days my left breast was still swollen, I developed a fever and massaging it every day to reduce the swelling was the most painful thing but I was glad I had me a happy ending

Back to October 2011: It is Breast Cancer awareness month again. Every year I always go for my checkups faithfully just to make sure I’m lump free. I just thought I would share my story out there to women who think that BSE won’t save your life. Breast Cancer can affect anyone, and it can be prevented if caught on time. Ladies, we all know men love our twins whether real or silicon based, so why not appreciate our breasts as much as they do and feel your breasts this month and go have them checked professionally too. I love my twins; I don’t know what I would do without them. I managed to save my twins, it’s time we all tried saving them twins’ ladies and gents too! Remember guys get them checked as well breast cancer affects you too. I remember when one couldn’t even say breast, let alone breast cancer. Women did not say that word out loud then, but that has changed quite a bit over the years. In the words of Debbie Wasserman Schultz: Every woman needs to know the facts, and the fact is when it comes to breast cancer, every woman is at risk. I’ve gone pink and done my part, it’s time to do yours.

Peace and Blessings, Vionna

Morning Dew

Have you ever woken up bright and early in the morning, your legs step on the wet grass as the wetness seeps in through the sole of your feet? Morning dew, that’s what it’s called. Now I know you all know what morning dew is, but have you ever wondered why it only appears in the morning? Well, we only see dew in the morning because for dew to form, air must be cooled to its condensation point; there must be little movement to the air. These conditions usually occur overnight when the wind dies down and the air becomes still.(I’m not that smart; Wikipedia came through with that definition, but let’s just stick to the part where you’re impressed by my smartness shall we?)

This year has been one of those years that have just been morbid for me. I’ve joined more Rest in Peace pages on Facebook than I have gotten friend requests. Death is one of those enemies that comes and steals something so precious to you. That’s where morning dew comes in, I’ve come to realize life is like morning dew, just like morning dew comes in the morning and gone during the day, that’s just how short and precious life is. We never know when our morning dew will fade, and this got me thinking, as corny as it sounds; life is short. Sometimes we tend to live our lives as if we are immortal, the all lets live for today for we don’t know what tomorrow brings kind of life. But with all the friends I’ve lost this year, one thing I’ve come to realize what it really means to live life to the full. It’s not about partying, drinking to the max like there’s no tomorrow. It’s making the best of the time we have now, because like morning dew, we never know when we’ll fade away. Making an impact in your life. A wise woman once told me, if you want to know just how much impact one made in their lives or those around them, everyone always wants to chip in on their eulogy at funerals. And no I’m not talking about MPigs who use funerals as their platform to beg for votes and for some silly attention seeking airtime. I’m talking about the close family, friends and those who mattered to the deceased.

Lately it’s been heart-wrenching watching news. I’m one of those people who are very empathetic. I would cry just by hearing a friend of a friend lost their loved one. It’s because when you lose someone close, a family member or a loved one you know the pain one goes through and you kind of feel their pain. The ferry tragedy in Zanzibar that took so many lives, those are people who had plans; they were looking forward to seeing another day not for it to end so abruptly. The Sinai Fire tragedy this week, it pained me when some friends of mine were talking so coldly about it. Not all who perished in the fire were out there siphoning fuel. Some were kids going to school, some were still at home waiting for the rain to die down but due to bad timing they were caught up in it. For a fellow human being to say I hope they learned their lesson, is just sadistic. There’s a Ghanaian Proverb that came to mind when I heard all the idiotic conversations about this all: It is a fool who rejoices when his neighbor is in trouble. Think about the child who will grow up without a father or mother because the dad was trying to make a quick buck maybe to provide for the family. Them being rained on, homeless, everything lost because they were caught up in man-made disasters. Now we can go on and on about who to blame and what not, but enough about that.

Sometimes I always wonder if I had a flash forward of my life knowing when it will end, would I do things differently. Would I be a better person as it were? But the beauty about life, it’s a mystery. We never know when our morning dew will fade away that’s why we need to live life without regrets, make amends, forgive and let go and try to make everyday count. As I write this post, I can’t help but shed a tear or two, I just lost another friend, we might not have been close this past few years but what pains me is the newborn baby she left. The child that will live without her mummy, the child that will not suckle on its mama’s breast but feed on formulas and powdered milk. The child that will not feel its mothers touch, her warmth and her protective arms, and it just makes me cry and pray for that child and the family. Life is short beautiful ones, just like morning dew it comes and fades away.

Now this is one poem I wrote when I lost my dad, and thought I’d share it with anyone who’s lost a parent, a friend or anyone who mattered to them. Promise not to be so morbid and sad on the next blog post, but writing it out has helped me much. Take care of you.

Had I Known

Had I known four years ago I wouldn’t have a daddy to call my own.
Had I known that my heart would break slowly, dismantling itself into unrecognizable plots of misery.
Had I known that emptiness would entangle itself upon me with a grip so strong I couldn’t break free?
Had I known that mama would never dance with my father again?
Had I known the pain would haunt and stifle its grip on me.
Had I known that I’ll get to walk down that aisle someday without you by my side?
Had I known that I’d never get to call you daddy again and hear u whisper “I love you baby girl”.
Had I known that four years later I’d still be shedding tears writing this down on paper?
Had I known, I would have told you how much I love you.
But I didn’t know, I couldn’t fathom the impact it would have on me, with its deadly blow.
Had I not known that one day this enemy death will be erased?
Had I not known and held on to the hope.
But I do know, and it makes my heart glow.
I know, hope and pray, that I’ll get to see your face someday..
For now, I do know I miss you night and day…

Peace and blessings always, Vionna

Of Vague Relationships

This is one of those posts I’ve been thinking should I post it or should I let it slip? But it’s been itching me lately, and I couldn’t help myself but to blog it out. Many of us have been victims to this vague relationships once in our lives. I know I have been in a one-sided relationship I actually didn’t know I was in once! Today we’ll just call them vague relationships. First of all let’s just get the definition of this word vague just for the sake of our “special ones” Vague: Not clearly expressed or not having a precise meaning. Now that we have that out-of-the-way, let’s move on swiftly:) Unfortunately many women tend to fall for this vague relationships often than guys do, since I don’t want to come off as a male basher( that’s more Tyler Perry’s forte) This post mostly will favour both sides,don’t shoot me ladies

1. You started off as a no strings attached arrangement and now in this woman’s head she expects you to do couples stuff. You know, take her out for movies, coffee she sends you Blankets and Wine events on Facebook hinting how awesome it would be for you to meet some of her friends at such events. As much as women nowadays tend to act all un-emotional, ladies no-strings attached arrangements are just that. You see for a man, they learn to separate their emotions when it comes to sex, when it comes to women, very few are able to do that. So if you agreed on a no strings attached arrangement honey, I hate to tell you but you will be stuck in that vague relationship till you wake up, smell the coffee and realize it’s going nowhere.

2. If you can’t define what you have ladies, that’s a red sign right there. There’s nothing as Its complicated relationships, Facebook needs to stop lying to you. If the only way you can explain it to your friends is that you two are still in the limbo phase, then errrm you should just come out and say you are in a vague relationship. Men are very straight forward with what they want, if he wants you then he will show it and you will know. If he starts telling you those let’s take it one day at a time nonsense, then one day he will get tired of taking it a day at a time.

3. He tells you let’s keep what we have on the hush. Should I even explain further really? He doesn’t want his friends knowing about you or anyone else saying he prefers keeping the relationship just between you two. Let’s just use the canine species as an example (The following relations to any living species is purely coincidental) : Dogs pee to mark their territory and claim ownership of their space. Same thing with men, when they have a prized possession, meaning you they will want to show you off and of course make sure to keep other predators away. You see where keeping it on the hush does not make sense here?

4. He is going out on dates with other women, not hiding it from you in any way and you start getting vexed about it. Is there any better way to put this? Can you get over the fantasy in your head that lies to you that you have a relationship with this man! (okay there’s no better way to say it) because you don’t. I actually blame this on social networks. A guy starts flirting with a certain lady, checking up on her every day on Facebook or Twitter (mind you they have never met outside of the virtual world) she sends him a relationship request (why people do this is beyond me) and assumes they are going out. Stop wasting your jealousy on things that don’t exist.

5. Unfortunately many ladies who get knocked up, expecting a ring immediately after fall into this vague relationships. Most times when a lady gets knocked up, the man flees like you just told him you have Ebola and things may change for the better or for the worse. Some come back to their senses, some don’t. But some ladies think since they are carrying his seed, they will have a bond that will bind them forever together and live happily ever after.

Those are just a few of the signs I’ve come to observe and notice in my short(I still insist) life. We tend to insist on things that don’t exist. Stop trying to justify the relationship saying it gives it a mysterious edgy feeling. A vague relationship is just that. Vague. I’m not writing this to male/female bash nor trying to say I haven’t fallen in this trap too. But I’ve come to realize one thing, as corny as it sounds; life is too short to hold on to something that’ s not there to hold on to in the first place. So get over that vague feeling and find some real feelings (Insert Oprah voice and read it in that accent)

Peace and Blessings, Vionna