Natural Hair Rant Of A Misplaced Beauty

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This is a natural hair rant post,so please let me get a few things of my hair! Being natural,going back to natural hair is the most amazing experience ever. It’s an emotional journey that leaves you feeling free and your mind decolonized. With that said, I’m very happy that many women are embracing their nappy hair and going back to being natural. There are times when I made the big chop,I got the most stupid comments from my friends. Some would ask me if I was sick,what was wrong,was I too poor to afford relaxers. One even offered to take me to the salon and pay to get my hair done. Please note,all this comments came from black women. Women who have allowed themselves to be brainwashed into thinking that nappy hair makes you look shaggy,”poor”and sick! Why have we become so petty??God didn’t make our African hair nappy for no reason. Why would I want to have fake plastic /horse hair on my scalp,when I can embrace my natural curls?

I’m not done ranting yet. Hair product companies have discovered that natural hair is becoming a sort of movement. They’ve jumped in on the bandwagon. We now have thousands of options for nappy hair,which I totally love, but..and that’s a very big BUT,why would you bombard me with products on how to make my hair grow faster/longer? Did it ever occur to all this natural hair blogs that some people prefer TWAs(teeny-weeny afro)I’m sick and tired of all these rules around,oh you have to use this pudding cream,this type of conditioner ,a certain deep penetrating treatment,blah blah blah bla!Can’t we just be natural without having all these hair products in our face left,right and center? With that said, I’m glad I found the right products for my nappy hair without having to drain my wallet. Get what works for you and just do you. Whether you like your hair short or long,just be happy to be nappy! Let me repost a poem I did 8 years ago..the first time I tried going natural and had all sorts of issues with it! Enjoy!

MISPLACED BEAUTY

I’m stuck in a limbo,
To flaunt my African beauty,
Or hide my African booty?
They say I’m too ethnic, that I’m not authentic
To whose standards, theirs or mine?
So now they’ve got me bleaching my brown skin
I guess true beauty doesn’t come from within
I’m ashamed of my natural locks…they make me to shaggy to get an office job
My spring curled hair
Traumatized with relaxers
For it to be sleek and straight
Forcing me to give in to their bait
You see I’m not doing this out of naivety
But because I am a misplaced beauty

Giving in to their western cultures
My nose is too wide
My lips too luscious
My beautiful African behind too big and flabby for them
My wide African hips that ease my load while carrying their offspring, now too wide for them?!
Mama taught me to be proud of my roots
But now am acting all insecure about my looks
Trying to squeeze in into their mold
Of what true beauty should be…
They end up misplacing my beauty

You see they adored me before, with sweet names like ebony
They rode my hips like a sweet melody
The gap in between my teeth,
Was a marvel for them to see
My kinky afro, made their eyes glow
But then I gave in to their desires
And let them destroy my African beauty
Replacing it with an anorexic, plastic body, skinny looking malnourished African
Damn, I am a shapely African queen
I’m proud of my wide nose,
My big behind
My shapely hips
The gap in between my fine chiseled teeth
ooh my sweet pout lips
I aint getting rid of the cellulite, you see I’ve seen the light
I’m no longer a misplaced beauty
Because I know you are dying to caress
This beautiful African Goddess!

Peace and Blessings,Vionna

Capable Wife

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I hardly have time to blog nowadays,but there’s something that’s been itching and burning me up inside lately,I just felt it’s time I got it out of my system. When I was growing up,my mum used to recite Proverbs 31 to my sisters and I. Sometimes I would get so irritated,to a point where I used to think my mother did not love us. Whenever we’d go visiting, my mum would make sure we remember Proverbs 31:27 that says; She is watching over the goings on of her household, and the bread of laziness she does not eat. I can still recite that whole chapter especially that verse by heart. My mother always told us,when you’re invited over for lunch/dinner you’re only a guest for the first 30 minutes,the rest if your ass wasn’t up and headed straight to the kitchen,the beating that would await once you got back home.You wouldn’t be able to sit down for days. I would see other girls my age playing around,and wondering why my mum had us working yet we had a househelp(but those are questions you wouldn’t dare ask out loud)

the good wifes guide

Anyway back to the reason why I had to do this post. Lately I’ve been pitying some ladies younger than me,as well as some of my friends. Most of us have reached that age,where you’re no longer just dating a guy,but you’re dating in the hopes of settling down soon.Let’s not use the word dating,more like courting. What I’ve seen when invited for lunches or sleepover by some of my friends who’ve finally settled down on their own are doing well,is pretty disturbing. It made me call my mum,just to say thank you a million times over for raising me the way she did and for drilling Proverbs 31 in me until it became part and parcel of how I conduct myself nowadays. Maybe it’s the fact that women have this whole I’m independent,you know where the fridge is,get your own damn food attitude thing going on. Ladies please, God wasn’t stupid making the man the head of the house. You should treat a man with respect and make him feel like he is important to you. Let me just share one scenario with you:

Lydia is in love with Simon(names have been changed to protect my safety)They are courting, she invites him and his friend over for dinner,then asks me to come over for the friend not to feel so awkward. House looks like a mess,clothes everywhere,dirty plates on the kitchen sink(mind you,it’s an American design sort of house where the kitchen and sitting lounge are divided by a small sort of bar area,so anyone can see the dirty dishes)I start getting shocked..I call her aside and make up an excuse we need some red wine to marinate the steak in if she can send the boys to get some and hurriedly clear the dishes while they are away.If I was a guy,that’s one point down,but anyway,let’s go on.They come back,you sit down,start chatting them up,leave me the friend in the kitchen cooking.Yes I know after 30 mins I’m not a visitor,but if you’re trying to impress Mr.Man,cook for him,don’t let him compliment your friends cooking.He is planning on marrying you remember?Get your ass in the kitchen and cook for him,show him what to expect in the near future.Finally I finish cooking,call her to serve for her man,she says:”It’s self service,he knows where the kitchen is”.No table set at the dinner table,serve straight from the sufuria ,put hot food on his lap,and that’s it. By this time I was about to strangle her and shake her back to reality. He asks to use the bathroom,then slowly comes back and asks her:”Do you have water problems here?” Confidently she says:”No! Not all,why do you ask?” I slowly went to the bathroom to check for myself. A woman’s toilet should never and I repeat never ever have stains like it’s a communal toilet!I went back to the sitting room quietly,her Mr.Man made some flimsy excuse that he had an early morning meeting and they left. She wondered what was wrong,when I tried to tell her she needs to style up,she got mad for weeks on end.But at least I told her.

Ladies, screw this whole we live in the 21st century bullshit attitude. A man is still a man,whether you like it or not,he will still want to be treated the way his mother treats him. I used to wonder why my mum,no matter how tired she would be from work,whether it’s 9pm,she would never allow the maid to cook for my dad. She would always do it,and the heartwarming smile on my dad’s face said it all. The fact that she made an effort,showed him she cared. My mum is the epitome of the capable wife described in Proverbs 31,especially verse 30:”Charm may be false,and prettiness may be vain,but the woman who fears God is the one that procures praise for herself.” I pray and hope to one day be like her. Like my mama always says,the most ugly trait a woman could ever have is laziness. Whatever century you think you might be living in ladies,the ratchet behaviour is wanting. Strive to be the capable wife mentioned in Proverbs 31.

Peace and Blessings,Vionna!