Women Get Friend- Zoned Too

You had me right. Most of the time we tend to think that only women are the ones who decide whether the guy is hit it material, relationship material or the dreaded zone that all guys tend to hate, The friends zone!*inserts shudders*. In my 20 something years of existence in this world, I’ve seen a lot of things. And sadly I’ve been friend-zoned a couple of times. There, I’ve finally admitted it! Pheuwx! Feels good to finally have that out of my system! Well as a woman it hurts at times, we don’t dare admit it but we do get ticked off when we are relegated to the friend’s zone. It’s bad for our egos. Yes we do have egos as well and love feeding on compliments we get, not being one of the boys. So I sat down, pondered on what made me end up in the friend’s zone with one guy who I had put in the he can get it zone 6 months ago. Yeah 6 months later I still can’t get over the fact that I had been friend-zoned, I mean I ooze awesomeness! And no, I’m not being vain. Enough rambling let’s get down to business:

•Tomboy-ish traits. I think I was thrown into the friend’s zone because of this. Not that I walk around in jeans, Tim boots or sneakers. Far from it, I think I only own 2 pairs of sneakers and this is because I can’t jog in heels. Unless I knew a guy in a purple suit, haha get it? No? Ok then, moving along swiftly, I hate soap operas, Westlife and such shitty girly music and tend to love HipHop as much as Neo Soul and Jazz still top my list. But I guess when we were kickin it in Mr. Put me on the friend’s zone house and arguing about who was the illest rapper between Twista, Krayzie Bone and Busta Rhymes back in the day made him assume he was talking to one of his boys. Vionna, you should have shut your mouth.

•Laid Back Chic “ You’re so easy to talk to and laid back, you don’t have mad drama or act crazy like some women do.” As he said this I was beaming from ear to ear when he dropped the I like hanging out with you. We can just chill and talk. The fake smile I had as I stabbed his back over and over in my head when he said that.

•You Keep It Real- Dear men, I don’t get it when you say this. So fine, I might jokingly say that woman is hot when she passes or she has a nice ass, you compliment me for keeping it real and not hating then I’m still relegated to the friends zone? How in the name of zones is that possible? You tell me I’m awesome for hating on weaves, keeping it real then start flirting with that friend of mine who owns more weaves than a rancher with a horse stable!

•Flirts Without Benefits- So we would occasionally flirt, to him it was just flirting but sometimes he would send mixed signals and the limbo feeling not knowing if we are still “boys” or more than that gets a tad annoying. When he treats you like his down ass chic! And they say us women are complicated!

•One Of The Boys- And this just means that. One of the boys, I should have gotten the hint when I was introduced to the boys as just Vionna. He wouldn’t mind his boys flirting with me, we’d meet up to watch a football game together. Banter Arsenal together (sigh! Good times those were)But I should have pretended to be the I can’t stand Rugby, football kinda girls.

I could go on and on, but let me stop there. This guy more than hurt my ego if I’m still annoyed about it six months later. I mean who friends zones me, I should be the one friend zoning guys! But sadly ladies, we get friend-zoned too, whether we like it or not. Stop pretending you haven’t been. Yeah I see you! I finally accepted and knew the hurt men go through when we friend zone them, but that doesn’t mean some of the guys in my friends zone’s list will be promoted to he can get it zone. Enjoy the zones ladies, and don’t deny this has never happened to you once in your life. No he’s not gay, we can’t have them all 😉

Peace and Blessings, Vionna


A little too late

It’s always a little bit too late when we realize something or when we lose someone and we never got to mend a broken friendship and will never get a chance to, because they died too soon. As I write this, a friend of mine is lying cold in a morgue thanks to the animal of a man she claimed to love. The man who used her as his punching bag, verbally abused her and made her feel as if she was nothing. I wrote about her sometime in May last year. A blog post entitled Words I said https://vionnaswatching.wordpress.com/2011/05/17/words-i-said/ she was being verbally abused at the time and the guy really made her believe that she was nothing more than his punching bag. We had a fallout with her sometime late last year. See, the last time, she was beaten up real bad we thought she finally came to her senses and realized it was time for her to leave before things got out of hand. Well, a few weeks later after that, I bumped into her hand in hand with that monster. I can’t and I wont call him a man because he’s not worthy to be called that. He’s a coward who should have picked on someone his own size, not a woman whom he knew won’t fight him back. So she called me after we met and told me he had really changed and everything was well. We had an argument after that and I remember the last words I told her that day was, “the next time, you will come back in a casket if you think such a monster can change.” Little did I know those words would come true yesterday. We stopped talking after that incident, sometimes I would be tempted to call her up, but something inside me always vexed me to a point I couldn’t pick up the phone and talk to her. I always felt like shaking her back to reality. I wish I did make that call. But I know there’s nothing I would have done to prevent what happened. She made her choices in life, she decided she wanted to stay with him, and unfortunately the choices she made cost her, her life. When her sister called me yesterday, I knew immediately something was wrong. She always used to call me when my friend was in really bad shape and couldn’t even talk on the phone. She was in tears as she tried to tell me what happened. Her sister came back home late that night, and by late I mean 7pm due to traffic at the ferry(anyone who uses ferries to cross to the other side knows how crazy traffic gets)so the monster left, went drinking came back started beating her up, she was trying to run out of the house, when he flung her from the stairs, fell and fractured her skull. That was the end of her troubled love life.

I was angry, shocked and hurt at the same time when I heard the news. Still trying to come to terms with it, but it’s a bit hard to fathom her death at the moment. Ladies, one should never be a statistic. I never thought one of my friends would be one. When a guy as much as slaps you, those are warning signs that warn you of the danger ahead if you continue down that path of making excuses for him. A man who verbally abuses you, will make you feel worthless and in turn start believing you deserve what you get. Don’t lead yourself to believe that it really doesn’t hurt you, or believe that you only hurt yourself. Don’t believe every time he says he’s sorry or be ashamed to tell someone you need help. I got this quote yesterday from Christopher Robin to Pooh Bear:” Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you think, and smarter than you think.” Get out of that relationship before it’s a little bit too late.

Peace and Blessings, Vionna

Phenomenal Women

So I haven’t been blogging for a while. A lot has been going on, but I thought it would be appropriate to post this wonderful poem by Maya Angelou that always inspires me. Today being International Womens Day, I just want to wish all the wonderful women out there, mothers, daughters, sisters, friends you truly are phenomenal women and make the world a better place. Happy Women’s day ladies

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman

Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Peace and blessings always, Vionna