Of Vague Relationships

This is one of those posts I’ve been thinking should I post it or should I let it slip? But it’s been itching me lately, and I couldn’t help myself but to blog it out. Many of us have been victims to this vague relationships once in our lives. I know I have been in a one-sided relationship I actually didn’t know I was in once! Today we’ll just call them vague relationships. First of all let’s just get the definition of this word vague just for the sake of our “special ones” Vague: Not clearly expressed or not having a precise meaning. Now that we have that out-of-the-way, let’s move on swiftly:) Unfortunately many women tend to fall for this vague relationships often than guys do, since I don’t want to come off as a male basher( that’s more Tyler Perry’s forte) This post mostly will favour both sides,don’t shoot me ladies

1. You started off as a no strings attached arrangement and now in this woman’s head she expects you to do couples stuff. You know, take her out for movies, coffee she sends you Blankets and Wine events on Facebook hinting how awesome it would be for you to meet some of her friends at such events. As much as women nowadays tend to act all un-emotional, ladies no-strings attached arrangements are just that. You see for a man, they learn to separate their emotions when it comes to sex, when it comes to women, very few are able to do that. So if you agreed on a no strings attached arrangement honey, I hate to tell you but you will be stuck in that vague relationship till you wake up, smell the coffee and realize it’s going nowhere.

2. If you can’t define what you have ladies, that’s a red sign right there. There’s nothing as Its complicated relationships, Facebook needs to stop lying to you. If the only way you can explain it to your friends is that you two are still in the limbo phase, then errrm you should just come out and say you are in a vague relationship. Men are very straight forward with what they want, if he wants you then he will show it and you will know. If he starts telling you those let’s take it one day at a time nonsense, then one day he will get tired of taking it a day at a time.

3. He tells you let’s keep what we have on the hush. Should I even explain further really? He doesn’t want his friends knowing about you or anyone else saying he prefers keeping the relationship just between you two. Let’s just use the canine species as an example (The following relations to any living species is purely coincidental) : Dogs pee to mark their territory and claim ownership of their space. Same thing with men, when they have a prized possession, meaning you they will want to show you off and of course make sure to keep other predators away. You see where keeping it on the hush does not make sense here?

4. He is going out on dates with other women, not hiding it from you in any way and you start getting vexed about it. Is there any better way to put this? Can you get over the fantasy in your head that lies to you that you have a relationship with this man! (okay there’s no better way to say it) because you don’t. I actually blame this on social networks. A guy starts flirting with a certain lady, checking up on her every day on Facebook or Twitter (mind you they have never met outside of the virtual world) she sends him a relationship request (why people do this is beyond me) and assumes they are going out. Stop wasting your jealousy on things that don’t exist.

5. Unfortunately many ladies who get knocked up, expecting a ring immediately after fall into this vague relationships. Most times when a lady gets knocked up, the man flees like you just told him you have Ebola and things may change for the better or for the worse. Some come back to their senses, some don’t. But some ladies think since they are carrying his seed, they will have a bond that will bind them forever together and live happily ever after.

Those are just a few of the signs I’ve come to observe and notice in my short(I still insist) life. We tend to insist on things that don’t exist. Stop trying to justify the relationship saying it gives it a mysterious edgy feeling. A vague relationship is just that. Vague. I’m not writing this to male/female bash nor trying to say I haven’t fallen in this trap too. But I’ve come to realize one thing, as corny as it sounds; life is too short to hold on to something that’ s not there to hold on to in the first place. So get over that vague feeling and find some real feelings (Insert Oprah voice and read it in that accent)

Peace and Blessings, Vionna

The beauty of Nature

Once in a while I love doing random posts. This is just one of those random posts where me and my camera and my love for nature entwined!:)I’m a nature lover..nothing gives me peace of mind and inspires me like relaxing at the beach and just watching the waves and motions, or a road trip and enjoying the vast plains and the beauty that God gives us through his wonderful creations..so here are a few pictures that I’ve taken while trying to sharpen my photography skills..hope you enjoy them as much as I loved taking photos of them with my Pentax Optio S12 camera(but do I say)Enough talking..enjoy the photos..

The lovely relaxing shores of Diani Beach

I’m in love with sepia, clean white Sandy Beaches of my fave happy place, Diani of course

I am a sucker for sunsets. Note to future husband reading this, you better propose to me while out overlooking the sunset,as we gaze to its beautiful rays,sitting in a lovely beach like this sunset I captured in Malindi..

There’s something about palm trees that I just love..don’t know what but I just love them:)

Again I can never get enough of the clean sandy beaches in Diani..this time in colour

Or the ever amazing view of Kikambala Beach

Enough beach pictures. Like I said, I love taking road trips, and my fave place,apart from Diani of course, is Kericho, the babymaking cool weather, the green landscape always makes me feel like running wild.. This is one pic I just had to get out of the car and take in Kericho

You know me and sunsets..once again, the beautiful sunset I captured in Obama land also knows as my shagz:)

The vast plains of Nyahururu(I love doing road trips clearly)

Dont go chasing waterfalls. I learned the hard way what that means when I literally went chasing after Thompson Falls in Nyahururu

Those are just but a few of the nature pictures I’ve taken in my many sojourns. It’s so ironic while I was writing this post, Michael Jackson’s Earth song was playing in the background..What about sunrise?
What about rain?
What about all the things?
That you said we were to gain?

Nature is beautiful, take time to enjoy it once in a while..

Peace and Blessings always, Vionna

Single Husbands

My beautiful people, I know, I know I’ve developed some bad habits when it comes to blogging nowadays, but forgive me. My writing mojo has been on an all time low lately, but something that’s I’ve observed lately has stirred up my writing nerves much that I just had to blog it out. This year has had more drama than a hospital scene in a Mexican soap opera for me, but there has also been some ups to it. It’s the year most of my age-mates and friends have tied the knot or are about to, and it’s one of those years I’ve attended more baby showers than concerts. When is she going to get to the point, you say? Sorry I tend to digress much(bad habit)on with it then. Recently I bumped into a former classmate of mine, we were catching up about life and what not, when I asked her about how she must be enjoying the joys that come with married life,she broke down in tears and started venting about her husband. You see, she’s married to what I love to term a single husband. This single husband is one who is in denial that he actually is married and acts like a bachelor. The reason I’m writing about this is because most of the time, us women ignore this signs that are always visible way before we commit to someone. I’m no relationship guru, heck I’m not even married to begin with,but just like my blog says, Vionna likes to watch, and this is what I’ve observed from my short time(I insist) in this world. Signs you are married to a single husband:

1.His weekend itinerary doesn’t include you or the kids. He’s out Friday night with the boys till wee hours of the morning, a nyama plot again with the boys at Kikopei on Saturday, checks in on Sunday, sleeps most of the time, throws the kid up in the air a few times when he wakes up consoling himself he’s spend time playing with them. Calls his boys up if there’s football, you won’t see his ass back home till late at night. Honey, sorry to say but that man right there is a single husband. He seems to have misplaced the memo that came with the things change once you’re married title.

2. Most of his “boys” are single guys who don’t have any responsibilities whatsoever. They can party till six in the morning, go back home shower and continue partying some more, yet he convinces himself he just likes to hang out with the young guys.
I’m not saying if you are married you should not hang out with your single friends, but have a balanced limit to it.

3.He doesn’t respect the Visa application requirements.
You know that visa that after marriage he always needs to apply for if he is going out with the guys beforehand? If he just calls you up oh I’m not coming back home soon don’t wait up for me. That is trouble right there. He seems to forget what time his visa expires and if he is eligible to renew it or not. (By the way if you don’t know what a visa is, when it comes to marriage terms, I will pray for you)

4. He really is popular with the female species
and when they meet you, they always have that shocked oh didn’t know so and so was married look. He’s the champion of all flirts, his Twitter or Facebook page has more female friends than guys all up there calling him sweet pet names and all…errm honey he should know by now he already found out where he needs to be, with you and not acting like he is on a mission to bag women from social networks.

5. Whenever his phone rings, you would think he suddenly works for the CIA, he dashes to the room, locks it up (as if the sound would penetrate through the keyhole) while speaking in a low tone. He never wants you to know his whereabouts for some reason only he knows
What I’m trying to say most of this single husbands, are guys who were never really keen on settling down but circumstances, age catching up or pressure from family (especially mothers) and friends got the best of them. Though sometimes we ladies tend to ignore the signs. If you are going for a long road trip, and the fuel gauge is half empty, do you wait for it to start blinking for you to re-fuel or for it to suddenly stop in the middle of nowhere then you start panicking? Of course not, you always take precautions beforehand make sure the car is in good condition, the tank is full before you embark on your road trip. If only most of us women would apply the same thing when it comes to seeing this signs before you end up tied down married to a single husband with kids. Ladies, you can NEVER change a man. So before you start whining to your friends about the single husband you are married to, remember this are signs you saw before hand. A wise woman once told me, Vionna when the time comes and you decide to get married, always marry a man who loves you more than you love him. You know why, because a man who loves you more, will treat you and love you like a queen, but if you force issues with a man, then you will end up married to a single husband. But before it reaches that point that you end up with a single husband, there always signs to know you are in a vague relationship. I will do a post about that soon. For now excuse me as I go bask on the beach and enjoy the lovely sunny weather. The lovely view in front of me..ahem!
(I just had to throw that in there)

Peace and Blessings always, Vionna

And it came to me like an epiphany

My dear bloggers, and fans (I wish) it has been a while since I last blogged. Been going through a whirlwind of emotions lately, decided to give the whole blog sphere a rest for some time. I’m back now hopefully I’ll stick around for a little while. Enough with the catching up and what not, back to writing. The last couple of weeks, well what can I say they’ve been pretty eventful. The ups and downs taught me one thing about myself; I’m very tenacious (a little bit of PLO grammar here and there) As much as life decides to throw lemons at me, I get the tequila and salt and have me a cocktail with it! So here are just a few of the epiphanies (again my English seems to get the best of me *inserts British laughter here*)

1. I realized that sometimes we take life too seriously. We are so rigid and worried about what people think of us that we tend to live in a certain way that’s expected of us by people we necessarily don’t like. This epiphany came to me while waiting at the labor ward in hospital. I was traumatized being in this ward. I will need me a sofa and a shrink to re assure me that everything will be ok. I digress much, anyway I saw grown women screaming, and crying and all the scary stuff that they don’t show in the movies while I was there. But there was a certain lady that got my attention. She was screaming her head off, walking around butt naked when the nurse told her to cover herself, she turned and told the nurse;” I don’t care what anyone thinks, if they’ve never seen a naked woman before, well there’s always a first time! You see she didn’t seem to care what people thought, she was dealing with her pain how she knew best. I’m not saying you walk around naked, God know! Save us the trauma (unless you’re Idris Elba)
Just do what you want sometimes without worrying too much about what everyone else thinks.

2. I realized that sometimes even though you can’t always get what you want, it doesn’t hurt to try to find another way about it. I realized this while in hospital. I, my sister and friends always never keep time while going for hospital visits. We always go after visiting hours and still expect to enter inside the hospital and see the patient. While visiting a patient, we decided that we were going to see her in the morning; way before visiting hours and no guard was going to stop us getting in through the hospital. So one of my friends showed us a secret passage to use( due to security reasons and me not wanting you to know my Prison Break techniques, I won’t disclose which hospital it is and the techniques) Let me just say, we ended up seeing the patient without any hitches from the guards! My point being, never give up on your mission (gosh! That sounds so Al Qaeda) what I’m trying to say here is that, you can make the impossible to be possible but you must have the right attitude towards it!

3. I realized that being an extrovert is a protection in itself. This is personal so I won’t delve much about what brought me to this conclusion. But when a close friend of mine took his own life, it really took me by surprise. Let me digress a bit. Recently I had an argument with someone, and she blurted out and told me my life is no secret. I didn’t know whether to laugh or argue back, but didn’t have the strength for it. You see, I don’t let things bother me much; I will tweet about it, rant it out or find myself a stiff drink and a bartender and let it all out. Afterwards I always feel like a weight’s been lifted off my shoulders, and I’m all fine and dandy. I don’t care what people say, the oh no you did not just say that stares don’t bother me. See the thing is, it’s out of my system and I won’t harbor or carry it inside me. Of course I still have my skeletons in the closet and my own demons to fight on my own, but if something is really bothering you always let it out. Talk to a friend, stranger, God (if you are an atheist talk to a stone or plant) but just don’t let it eat you up to the point that you feel like life’s not worth living anymore.

4. I realized that I need to stop bitching and whining about my problems, because someone out there, has it far worse than I do. Of course this is stating the obvious; we all know someone out there always has it far worse than we do. I’ve always had a phobia about a certain big government hospital around, but I overcame that phobia last month( I am Ninjaress now)while I had gone to visit someone there, I saw a lady running with her kid not knowing exactly where she was going, the child looked lifeless at this point and it just made me all teary. I got to see the little cancer patients, kids as young as one year going through chemo yet they always managed a little smile on their sweet faces. It made me realize one thing; Don’t think you have problems, appreciate the gift of life and good health that you have try fixing your own problems and stop making mountains out of them.

5. I realized that holding grudges is a waste of beauty sleep. A wise man once told me, holding grudges is like me taking poison and expecting the one I’m holding a grudge against, to die. It’s really silly when you think about it. You will be the one suffering from sleepless nights, burning ulcers yet the one you’re holding a grudge against goes on with their life un-perturbed.

6. I realized that when you’re out in the clubs with your girlfriends and one of them ask you to accompany them to the ladies, never decline! It’s an unwritten rule that ladies always go two by two to the ladies. Be it just to talk, help her do her makeup, it’s a ritual that should be honored and it’s actually a privilege of sorts. It sounds silly but trust me I declined once and never got to hear the end of that story.

7. I realized that when it comes to women and their weaves, especially when it’s raining they are stronger than Spartacus and any Roman gladiator combined when it comes to pushing and shoving you out of their way just to get some shelter for their heads. The best thing to do is to stay away from one who doesn’t have a brolly and gets her horse-tail I mean weave wet. Hell hath no fury like a woman’s rained on weave!

8. I realized that not everything good to you, is good for you. Fighting temptations is not easy since temptation is always enticing and so easy to give in to, but at the end of the day if it’s just good to you for a little while, then it’s not good for you at all. No need to get into this much so let me just leave it at that. But sinful guilty pleasures can be a pain in all the wrong places at times

9. I came to realize sometimes the best thing to do is let people learn from their mistakes. Tough love is always the best kind of love to show someone you care about when they seem to think they know it all. The best thing you can do for them is be there when they need a shoulder to cry on.

10. Above all things, the one epiphany that just hit the nail on the head for me was what one midget told me; Life is short. (if you don’t get that lame joke, I seriously cannot help you anymore)

Peace and Blessings always, Vionna