Painting The Forth Bridge

The Forth Bridge, you ask? Well, it is one of the longest bridges in Scotland, its 2.5km in length and the double track is elevated 46m above high tide. I could go on and on about the history of this bridge, but that’s not important. There’s a Scottish saying I love using most of the time: It’s Like Painting the Forth Bridge. This was an expression that was coined on the erroneous belief that at one time in the history of the bridge, repainting was required and commenced immediately upon the completion of the previous repaint. That it took more than seven years painting it, and start repainting it all over again when done. Hence the term, it’s like Painting the Forth Bridge. It was a never-ending task. Now that we are all on the same page here, let’s go back to the reason for me using that term….

Recently someone really annoyed me by a comment they made about me, I love traveling a lot, and most of the time my friends hijack me for a road trip outside of the city, just for some peace and quiet. So someone sent me a text asking me if I was home during the weekend, I told him I was on my way out of Nairobi, and he calls me telling me how I’m such a spoilt brat! That it seems I’m living life lavishly, I don’t know anything about having problems! I’ve been going through some tough times lately, and I really needed some time out. Away from the city and everyone. So a friend of mine asked me if we could do a random trip to Annuli, and I hurriedly accepted that offer. And here, someone assumed that all I do is travel around without a care in the world! I really got so worked up, but hang up the phone on him, and continued on with my sojourn. You see, my daddy always used to tell me one thing: Always dress well, hide your problems with a smile, because half of the people you tell, will only pity you and do nothing about it, but the only person you can trust with your problems, and your sure he’ll fix it or provide a way out, is God. So that’s what I always do, I might have a smile on my face, but inside I’m breaking into little pieces. But believing in God is like “Painting the Forth Bridge”; it’s a never-ending task… I’m not one to tell people about my problems, I always find a way of fixing them alone. But let me take you back a few years back in my life…

Flashback to 2002:
In 2002, around Christmas, New Years time, my brother was beaten up while he was leaving the club and ended up dying a few days before New Year, I felt like my world had come to an end. This wasn’t happening to me and not just when I was ready to say goodbye to 2002. Being the Lastborn in my family, I always end up being the last to know about such things, and everyone finds a way of dealing with the grief and assumes you are ok.I went on a wild spree after that, as usual I tried hiding the hurt and pain that was killing me inside. I was just about to finish high school then, and went on a drinking, partying, life’s short, screw it before it does you attitude! But that’s when I knew; true friends can always see the frown when you have a fake smile on. I went on with life as if nothing had happened, hiding the sorrow from everyone, yet crying myself to sleep every night, and asking God to give me the strength to wake up every day in the morning…”It was like painting the Forth Bridge”. And somehow, he answered my prayers through true, amazing friends who were there for me, let me soak their shoulders literally with my tears, and helped me get through that nightmare…

Flash-Forward to 2006:
In 2006, five days after New Year’s, my dad passed away. He had been sick for a while and my phobia of hospitals, had deterred me from going to see him in hospital, you see after my brother died, I had a phobia of hospitals. I couldn’t enter anywhere near a hospital, I would start shaking and get asthmatic attacks. I was a daddy’s girl, I wanted to remember my dad the way he was, big cheerful and one who would protect me from any harm. But now his kidneys and liver had failed {let’s just say he loved his bottle so much} and his health was deteriorating so fast. I didn’t want to remember him in that way so I never went to see him in hospital, and the day I decided to go, was the day he died! My mum and sisters came back home from hospital, and found my cousin had called me earlier with the bad news. I was in a state of shock and never shed a tear that day. The guilt of not going to see him while in hospital still eats me up till today, but this time around, I didn’t go on a wild spree. I became a loner and buried myself with work and was angry at myself, at God, at my dad for leaving us with bank loans and debts to pay, for leaving me, his little princess all alone in this cruel world, I was angry at everyone. I hated when people came to comfort me, I managed to drift away from my friends then and poetry and writing became my release therapy. But no man is an Island, I needed comfort too. I was tired of pretending to be the strong one. That year and the next two after that, everything that could go wrong went wrong. It’s like Murphy’s Law was remixing its meaning to Vionna’s Law. But as usual, I couldn’t believe how God answered my prayers; I saw his love first hand. through strangers, known media personalities, who were more than amazing in helping me get back on track financially and my ever so amazing friends who helped me through strangers, known media personalities, who were more than amazing in helping me get back on track financially and my ever so amazing friends who helped me emotionally too. Believing in him then, let’s just say “It was Like Painting the Forth Bridge”

The Here and Now:
Recently the remix of Murphy’s Law, A.K.A Vionna’s Law has been the story of my life…the past few months, I’ve come to know the meaning of the term Shit Happens…well, I don’t want to delve much into it, but this year is just one of those years I want to end, and fast! Recently while heading back to Nairobi from Nanyuki, I was just staring outside my window, it was raining heavily, my friend was trying to swerve the potholes, the road was slippery, it was getting dark, I could tell he was tense, afraid, hoping to get both of us back to Nairobi in one piece, and I was just sitting there, staring outside the window, enjoying the rain dripping down my window, I felt like it was washing away the turmoil in my soul, cleansing away all the pain.. and somehow I managed to doze off a bit, woke up in Muranga where it was a bit dry, and hawkers bombarding us with their bananas, paw paws forcing us to buy them, the mathe in me had to get some of course. The journey after that was peaceful, no more rain. And I wished my life was peaceful like that, that somehow the dark cloud hovering above me would just disappear. But unfortunately it hasn’t though I’ve learned to cover my problems with a smile, and remove my disguises when I’m alone and turn to God in prayer. During our trip back to Nairobi, one of my best friends whose been seeing me through all this trials, sent me a verse to remind me of God’s love, Corinthians 10:13 which partly says, God is faithful and he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear, but along with the temptation, he will also make the way out in order for you to be able to endure it. I was busy trying to fix things, to get my life back in order to remember that scripture. And yes with time, I know he will provide a way out for me. We all go through trials in our lives, for some of us it’s visible, for some us we know how to hide it well, but no one should ever assume no one has problems in this world. What I’ve come to learn is that as much as you might not find a solution to your problems, when you turn to God in prayer, he answers you in many ways. Through friends who comfort you, offer you free vacations in 5star hotels in Mombasa{Coast this weekend.woohoo!! can’t wait!} who call you up just check how you are doing, cry with you when you need to cry and offer you big nice bear hugs that make you realize your not alone in this…sometimes we try so much to fix things that are already broken and end up being frustrated, yet we forget one thing, there things once broken, they will never be as good as new, no matter how much you try. We should learn to let go, and get new ones and while at it, always remember God’s undying love is MORE than “painting the Forth Bridge”. It’s a never an ending task no matter how much we feel we don’t deserve it at times..

Peace and Blessings, Vionna

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