His Just Not That Meant For You

So recently i did what i do best…watch and learn the quirks and flaws of our everyday average male species,thanks to me not drinking,and staying sober in clubs,i get to see this men in their true colors..anyway,i digress..Ladies i know sometimes you wonder to yourself;where did i go wrong,he seemed like a nice guy,we hit it off,but a few weeks later,your back on the prawl,dancing to Beyonce’s All the single ladies like your auditioning for Idols and Simon Cowell is in the audience rooting for you.Well here are a few of the guys,ladies you should avoid,and pull garlic on them like they’re some kind of vampires if they come as much as 10feet near you…

THE WATCHER
This guy,lets just say that’s all he does…you know,his that guy in the club,sitting alone,probably twittering away or facebooking by himself pretending his texting someone,and makes trips to the loo ever hour,the waitress knows him by name,and he has that gimmie my daily poison kinda greeting with the waiter..umm run woman,run!I don’t have a problem with a guy drinking alone,don‘t get me wrong here,there are loners who prefer their own company,God knows why they frequent clubs then,but there are WATCHERS!A lion best depicts this kind of a guy..You see,Lionesses usually do the hunting,but a lion usually waits when the prey is in a herd-A watcher usually studies this single,married women who always sit in the opposite table,but there’s always a single weakling in that group..Once the women are drunk,and vulnerable,the Watcher ambushes the prey from the front,hopefully brings it down,he notices you are not as drunk as the rest of your herd,he says hi,you say hi back,have a nice chat,slowly,steathily,quickly crouching and crawling,he makes you stray away from the herd..there he has his prey right where he wants.A few coffee/dinner dates together you think his THE ONE,lets digress to the Lion once again.Lions use their claws to catch there prey,they do so,so that they can keep a grip when trying to bite its prey,as much as they use there claws,lions rip apart with their teeth…Back to the watcher-those sweet nothings he told you,two weeks down his declaring his love for you,then suddenly BAM!The moodswings check in,he changes completely..word of advice for you ladies who fall bait to this Watcher;Lions move very fast and they stalk their prey.Consider yourself eaten!

THE BIPOLAR
Bipolar disorder is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated energy levels,cognition and mood with or without one or more depressive episodes.This episodes are usualy separated by “normal”moods.I know your wondering like when will she get to the point?well relax,i’m getting to it..This kind of men are just that.Bipolar,trust me a woman PMSing aint got nothing on this guy.His the kind of guy,you met when his having a “normal”episode..His cool,calm and collected,very funny,at the clubs..the popular one in his group of friends,very handsome,has a nice swag to him..his the kind of guy,who makes u act before you think,sweeps you off your feet,but dont mistake him for Prince Charming far from it..He has this kind of spell that just leaves you in a trance,unfortunately for you,you met him when he was in one of his elation episodes..then suddenly he starts becoming all clingy with you,but you mistake it for being sweet.Don’t be fooled ladies!Signs of Bipolar include:Paranoia he thinks your fooling around with all his friends,you tell your girlfriends that his just too in touch with his feminine side,end up making excuses for him..slap yourself woman!you are dealing with a Bipolar in your hands,yet your not a shrink!All those flights of ideas that he has and racing thoughts of his business plan of starting a space shuttle taxi company,should be your cue to run woman,run!His sudden innappropriate sense of humor and behaviors,he becomes to impulsive,you mistake it for spontanity..you should be getting him help girlfriend!And then the big one:Delusions-he thinks that somehow you prance the streets of Nairobi late at night offering your services,and he goes to the point of telling your girlfriends to talk to you..And his sudden religious interests..one minute he wants to join Tom Cruise’s Scientology religion,the next his going to Mecca for the pilgrimage,during Christmas his playing naughty Santa,and New Years his name changes to Malik and his chanting Happy Kwanzaa to all and sundry..errrm run before he shaves his hair and becomes a Monk!I’m not making fun of the disease,its a bad sickness that leads to suicide when left un-attended,but Ladies,unless his your Psychology project,this guy is like a Volcano that’s just about to erupt!Flee before the larva gets and burns you.Get this guy help and Stay away from him at all costs.Save the moodswings for when you get preggers!

THE WOLFMAN
No,i dont mean you start thinking Wolverine Xmen sort of a guy..tho i must say Wolverine really does it for me in Xmen,anyway,i digress as usual..back to the case in hand!This guy actually is the mysterious kind,he appears rough,and tough on the outside,yet he has a soft interior to him..This kind ladies are just confusing..Wolves are usually thought to be dangerous,but actually this is a misconception since wolves do not attack humans without reason.The same with Mr wolfman,he used to be a good guy before,Mr perfect as it were,he then gave his heart to the love of his life and she broke it and hurt him badly,and from then on,a wolf was born.Wolves are thought to be dangerous because of rumors claiming they get into peoples livestock,killing sheeps,cows and humans,but this ideas are just fostered through myths..same with Wolfman,your girlfriends tell you how bad this guy is,you should stay away from him at all costs,how his going to break your heart,but they are just rumors..His the kind of guy you always tread carefully with,you never get your hopes high,because just like a wolf only attacks when it feels threatened,Mr Wolfman will show you his true colors when you dare cross his path.Lets go back to the wolf..Humans kill more wolves every year than wolves attack humans,infact wolves try to isolate themselves from humans as much as possible..The Wolfman,has been heartbroken too many times,he behaves in a nonchalant manner with you,your always stuck in a limbo not knowing whether his going to end it with you,or get down on bended knee and ask you to marry him..Ladies!You will always live in captivity with them,run and howl while you still can!Wolves were the most successful mammals until humans came and took most of their range away..Yes if it weren’t for the ladies who broke his heart, The Wolfman would be the ideal man for you,afterall wolves,are atleast ten times smarter than the normal dogs,which would be some reason to worry though for you.Because smart people never get caught,you will never notice any changes when this guy starts cheating on you!Run!

So ladies…this are just the Top three of the kind of guys you should avoid,i know it’s hard,but unless you plan on Friday nights sulking,eating some icecream,and watching some sad,lovestory movie,your better off without this kind of guys..but not to fret..see that guy whom you’ve always put in a his sweet,but his my best friend,kinda like a brother to me place at the back of your heart,try letting him in and I can guarantee you,maybe the one guy you wanted,was standing there all along!Peace and Blessings,Vionna

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